I’m Done Getting My Heart Broken — These Are My Rules.

I know that getting my heart broken is pretty much inevitable, but that doesn’t mean I’ll go down without a fight. I’m going to be as careful as I can, so I don’t end up getting screwed over too many times in a row. I’m smarter now than I ever was before, which is why I won’t give you the chance to break my heart.

1. I’M NOT AFRAID TO WALK AWAY.
I’m not so desperate for love that I’ll lower my standards in order to be in a relationship. If you treat me like crap, then I have no problem ending things with you.

2. I WON’T FALL FOR A**HOLES ANYMORE.
I can’t stop myself from crushing on an a**hole, but I can stop myself from dating one. I’ve been with so many losers that I know all of the red flags now. That means there’s zero chance that I’ll waste my time with you once you show your true colors.

3. I’LL REMAIN SINGLE FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE TO.
I have no problem with waiting a few months, or even years, until I elife. a serious relationship. I’m in no hurry to settle down. After all, single life isn’t as bad as being in an unhealthy relationship.

4. I WON’T DEAL WITH MIXED SIGNALS.
If you make my life more complicated from the start, then dating you is just asking for trouble. That’s why I’m no longer willing to date men who play games. I can wait until I find someone who actually tells the truth instead of hiding behind bullsh*t dating rules.

5. I WON’T CONFUSE LUST FOR LOVE.
In the past, I was confused about what love really meant, but now I know. It isn’t just about finding someone attractive and wanting to invite them into bed. It’s so much more than that.

6. I WON’T DATE A MAN I CAN’T TRUST.
I’m not going to get cheated on. You know why? The second you prove to me that I can’t trust you, I’m going to walk away without thinking twice about it, no matter how much history we have or how much I love you.

7. I WON’T LET LOVE BECOME MY MAIN PRIORITY.
If I became obsessed with you, then it would feel like my whole world was collapsing when you broke up with me. But if I balance my love life with a thriving social life and career, then getting dumped won’t be all that bad. It’ll still hurt, but the pain will be bearable.

8. I WON’T GIVE MY HEART AWAY EASILY.
I’m not going to fall for the first man who pays me a little bit of attention. I’m going to hold out for someone who truly deserves my love. You won’t end up breaking my heart, because I’m only going to give my heart to men who are worth my while.

9. MY HEART IS MADE OF STEEL.
You might upset me, but you’re not going to end up breaking my heart. I’ve been hurt so many times before that I’ve become numb to pain. Besides, I’m way too strong to let some random man ruin my life

Meet me on the Battlefield

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZrddJPGp1I

After a girl gets out of a toxic relationship, she's single for a long time. At first, it's lonely. In the beginning, it's hard. For a little awhile, it even hurts. But after a certain amount of time, she embraces being single and finds it empowering knowing that she doesn't need a man to be happy. But once a girl gets comfortable with being single, it's hard for her to be mentally attracted to anyone. Once a girl gets familiar with being on her own, it's hard for her to be emotionally connected to anyone. Once a girl gets used to taking caring of herself, it's hard for her to be dependent on anyone. The reason behind that is, she's not trying to go back to that dark place she was in before, she's not trying to waste her time on a guy who's gonna turn out to be undeserving, and she's not trying to end up with the wrong one. She's spent a lot of time detoxifying herself and finding herself again and the last thing she needs is for another toxic guy to come along and cause her to lose herself again. So yeah, it may require extra attention, it may require extra effort, and it may require extra time but if you somehow manage to get her to not want to be single anymore, then you're gonna get a girl who's whole again, who's secure enough, and who's ready to love and be loved again.

Breathe

Dearest Me:

2016 has been a rough year with an emotionally roller coaster. It will get better in time. Focus on yourself and Love yourself. You've met some great and amazing people this year to cover what was left from 2015. You've lost some friends and gained some new ones. Be yourself and no matter what people see you as, they will always remember you as some one nice & kind.

2017 will be better I promise. Its all from within yourself. Its all the changes from within you. Never forget who you are. 7 days til Christmas and 14 days left til New Years Eve. Make the best of these last few days of 2016. Give as much as you can to those who needs the love. Its all about the thoughts that count. Be good to those who are in need. Be the best of who you can be.

Love Sunshine

 

This is who I remember you as. 

2017 Smile more

Developing unreciprocated feelings

There are certainly girls who are able to hook up with their guy friends and maintain that friendship relationship. But it’s rare, and it’s because there are feelings involved. When we hook up with the random dude from the bar, this isn’t someone we know, respect, or care about (no matter how hot he is). But when we have sex with one of our guy friends, it’s different, because even if you don’t have romantic feelings for this person, you do have some kind of feelings for him, or else you wouldn’t have been friends with him to begin with. And for reasons we can’t explain, those feelings tend of get all kinds of messed up the second we see each other naked.

They can act as a “placeholder” (a temporary relationship until something better comes along) or as a “trial run” (checking to see if you’re compatible with the person before getting serious).

The moral of our story is simple. When it comes to sex with a friend, you may need to make the decision to keep your clothes on in order to keep the friendship intact, particularly if you value the friendship more than the sex. Any time we cross that line with one of our guy friends, we take a gamble, with the odds being in favor of miscommunication, hurt feelings, and the ending of a friendship. Now, that’s not to say that the gamble doesn’t pay off occasionally; someone is that 1 percent who finds a relationship, and someone else is that 1percent who can go back to being friends. But like we said, 98 percent of the time, it doesn’t work out with a movie ending. You need to ask yourself if you’re willing to take the risk, because, as our mamas taught us a long time ago, you should never gamble anything you are truly afraid to lose.

We Only Fall in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime—Each One for a Specific Reason.

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown

It’s Been Said That We Really Only Fall In Love With Three People In Our Lifetime.

Yet, it’s also believed that we need each of these loves for a different reason.

Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.

This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be.

Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.

It’s a love that looks right.

The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.

We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.

Sometimes it’s unhealthy, unbalanced or narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation—most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this storyline, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.

With this kind of love, trying to make it work becomes more important than whether it actually should.

It’s the love that we wished was right.

And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.

This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are.

We are just simply accepted for who we are already—and it shakes to our core.

It isn’t what we envisioned our love would look like, nor does it abide by the rules that we had hoped to play it safe by. But still it shatters our preconceived notions and shows us that love doesn’t have to be how we thought in order to be true.

This is the love that keeps knocking on our door regardless of how long it takes us to answer.

It’s the love that just feels right.

Maybe we don’t all experience these loves in this lifetime, but perhaps that’s just because we aren’t ready to. Maybe the reality is we need to truly learn what love isn’t before we can grasp what it is.

Possibly we need a whole lifetime to learn each lesson, or maybe, if we’re lucky, it only takes a few years.

Perhaps it’s not about if we are ever ready for love, but if love is ready for us.

And then there may be those people who fall in love once and find it passionately lasts until their last breath. Those faded and worn pictures of our grandparents who seemed just as in love as they walked hand-in-hand at age 80 as they did in their wedding picture—the kind that leaves us wondering if we really know how to love at all.

Someone once told me they are the lucky ones, and perhaps they are.

But I kinda think that those who make it to their third love are really the lucky ones.

They are the ones who are tired of having to try and whose broken hearts lay beating in front of them wondering if there is just something inherently wrong with how they love.

But there’s not; it’s just a matter of if their partner loves in the same way they do or not.

Just because it has never worked out before doesn’t mean that it won’t work out now.

What it really comes down to is if we are limited by how we love, or instead love without limits. We can all choose to stay with our first love, the one that looks good and will make everyone else happy. We can choose to stay with our second under the belief that if we don’t have to fight for it, then it’s not worth having—or we can make the choice to believe in the third love.

The one that feels like home without any rationale; the love that isn’t like a storm—but rather the quiet peace of the night after.

And maybe there’s something special about our first love, and something heartbreakingly unique about our second…but there’s also just something pretty amazing about our third.

The one we never see coming.
The one that actually lasts.
The one that shows us why it never worked out before.

And it’s that possibility that makes trying again always worthwhile, because the truth is you never know when you’ll stumble into love.

“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown

Withdrawls

Often times, men withdraw because they need to deal with their emotions privately before expressing them. Drawing back into their own space is just allowing them to establish a sense of self in a relationship that probably has them excited.
It isn’t fair to expect men to experience the same emotional energy that we might feel about having sex. If you push it onto your guy he might feel like he is losing his freedom thus making it harder to work and focus.
The emotional closeness we naturally feel after having sex may feel unnatural to him. But that does not mean he does not care.
Freedom and Individuality Matter to Him

Men want to experience freedom and individuality in a relationship. Often times, if a man tells you that he is not ready to commit what he really means is that he is afraid of being drawn to you- that he is, in fact, attracted to you.
Now that doesn’t mean you bust out your night vision goggles.
But you also do not have to live in fear. Being a man is different than being a woman- that is why you were attracted to him in the first place! As counter-intuitive as it seems, freedom is only a threat to you if you don’t let him have his space.
If your man is a decent human being who has shown interest and delight in you previously, he is probably just giving himself space after such an intense and conjoining act.

In fact, there is quite a bit of research and evidence that explain why when men get too attached they feel uneasy or uncomfortable. As men bond with women a hormone called oxytocin is secreted.
In women, it lowers their stress level and helps them bond with their lovers and their babies. However, in men it actually lowers their testosterone and raises their stress level.
The closeness of sex, in the long run, can stress out the man more than the woman in a purely chemical sense. Therefore, if he is really attracted to you, he might need some time to cope with his feelings.
If your relationship is strong, a little lull won’t hurt it. If the guy you once thought was a Prince Charming turns out to be a dud, it’s better to let him swim away and resolve in choosing better next time. Remember that you deserve someone who loves you for who you are- and your man deserves the same.

Take a trip alone

It may sound cliché, but think of your solo trip as an opportunity to get to know and find yourself. Traveling alone forces you to deal with yourself, and learn what you are capable of. Since you're going to be out of your comfort zone, you'll get the chance to learn things about yourself you wouldn't otherwise learn in your normal, everyday routine. And you will finally be alone with your thoughts and get to contemplate every aspect of your life. Being in isolation is good from time to time.

When you are stuck in a routine, you'll find it's difficult to  to push yourself beyond your limits. But when you travel, especially when alone, you have no choice but to do things completely out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to learn a bit of the local language, strike up a conversation with the locals, try their delicacies, watch cultural shows, stretch your budget, push yourself to wake up early so as not to waste the day. You'll end up a much better person by challenging yourself.

It will boost your confidence.

World I'm coming for you...

Soul ties

Many people are locked in relationships that they know they shouldn’t be in . . . but don’t know how to get out. Because it is a big reason why many people are not letting go of their past. Some people can never fully move on or may find themselves “stuck” because they have not severed relationships with particular people that God wants them to sever.
Perhaps you still dream about or long for someone that you were never able to release from your spirit, even though it’s been days, months or years. Perhaps you are currently in an unhealthy relationship you know you should get out of. Or you try to leave the situation but always end up returning to it. Maybe you have been in an intimate relationship with someone and although you know it’s wrong, you simply cannot resist the desire to stay involved with them. Perhaps you are tormented with thoughts about someone in your mind. You have soul ties.
Your soul is made up of your mind, your will and your emotions; it is your inner life. A soul tie is an emotional connection or a bond with another that unites you. Soul ties are not necessarily bad. After all, God created them.

Wean Yourself from that person.
You literally have to wean yourself from that person to whom you have ungodly soul ties. To wean means to deprive. You have to deprive yourself of this wrong soul tie until you no longer miss him or her. And listen to this: there will come a day when you will no longer miss that person.

I pray we all break away from the soul ties that can't make us move on. And move on to find the right person who'll make us content and love rightfully.

Can men & women be just "friends?"

Just as we have a complicated relationship with the idea of “love”, we have a similarly complicated one with “sex”. Our culture is so tied up with mixed messages about sex and sexuality that we can’t keep them all straight. Sex is dirty and wrong and only bad people have it… so save it for marriage kiddos. Sex is awesome and we should be having it all the time… but someone, especially a woman, who likes sex too much has something wrong with them. The only way for women to be valued is to be sexy, but being sexy or sexualdeliberately is a cause for scorn and shame.

The idea that sexual desire can exist independently from an emotional relationship is one that a lot of people have issues wrapping their heads around. Sexual desire is of the body while affection – romantic or otherwise – is of the mind. Sex is peanut butter and love is chocolate – they go together amazingly well, but one can have one without the other or without mixing the two together. Some people are great at compartmentalization while others are not… but this doesn’t mean that the existence of sexual interest in one friend or the other spells the doom of the friendship.

The idea that men and women can’t be “just” friends presumes that the fact that an attraction means that it is automatically unacknowledged… or that it will inevitably be enacted upon. Yet in the real world, friends can acknowledge an attraction – whether one-sided or mutual – without destroying things. It’s entirely possible for a couple to say “Yeah, we know it would never work out and we don’t want to risk ruining our friendship with an ugly break-up”. Men (or women) are quite capable of being attracted to someone and keeping that attraction to the realm of fantasy or “it would be fun if…” without actively trying to pursue it.

It’s when one or the other has an agenda that attraction ultimately ruins a friendship. When somebody enters into a friendship under false pretenses – attempting the Platonic Friend Back Door Gambit – they are using the guise of friendship in selfish hope of getting what they want. If you’re only maintaining friendships with people you’re attracted to in the hopes of someday getting together with them or wearing them down – what I call the Big Lie From A “Nice” Guy – then you’re not actually their friend, you’re just an asshole.

Friendship – real friendship – can encompass sex or love without being “ruined”, so long as everybody is honest with one another and willing to act like adults. If only one was mature about it....

Do not date people whos not over thier EX.

Breakups can be tough.  So much of our identity is wrapped up in our relationships, so it’s a huge loss when a relationship ends- especially when it wasn’t our choice. That’s why it is vital that we own our feelings and not let anyone else get caught up in our baggage.

Although it’s human nature to want to avoid intense negative feelings, searching for comfort in the arms of someone new, without being completely up front about your status is plain wrong- and a recipe for disaster.

There’s a number of reasons why it’s a bad idea:

It’s fraud! If you date someone new and don’t tell them that you’re still stuck on your ex, it’s the same thing as fraud. You’re misrepresenting yourself as available, when you’re really not. That’s dishonest and unethical.  It requires a fair bit of pretence- pretending that you care when you don’t.
It’s selfish,short-sighted, and disrespectful. You’re using someone else to feel better until you reunite with your ex, or get over them.  You’re only thinking about yourself and how you feel and have no intention of developing a serious relationship. This is known as a hidden agenda.
It’s cruel– you’re trifling with someone else’s emotions, and may be breaking someone else’s heart and seriously damaging their sense of trust. People aren’t cars to be test driven.  If you have any feeling at all, you’ll end up feeling guilty afterwards, and you don’t need that complication in your life.
If you don’t get it, just imagine someone else doing this to you!
The good news is that the period of acute pain ends in a matter of months. Remember that this too shall pass.

Rather than damaging your self-respect by using someone else as a bandaid.

Know thyself. Take the time to get to know yourself again.  Our identities are so wrapped up in our relationships and after a breakup, we need to take the time to get to know ourselves again.  Ask yourself some questions:  Who am I?  What do I want?  What do I like?  Who are my friends?  How do I like to spend my time?  Developing the ability to be on your own and enjoy your own company is richly rewarding.
Grieve. Take the time to really feel your feelings and get them out.  A breakup can be a huge loss, and there’s lots of feelings to process. If you don’t allow yourself to feel your feelings, you’ll end up carrying them with you.  Remember, when you bury one feeling, you bury them all.  In other words, if you bury feelings of sadness, you also diminish your ability to connect to joy
Talk to friends, journal, see a coach or counsellor.

Learn from the breakup. Do an assessment of your relationship and some personal soul searching.  See if you can discover where things went wrong and areas you might want to work on.  Educate yourself about relationships
Practice self-love. It’s essential that you be your best friend and biggest cheerleader, especially during a crisis.  Forgive yourself for anything you did to contribute to the breakup.  Be kind and gentle towards yourself.
Connect. If you don’t want to be alone, get back in touch with friends and family. As humans, we are wired for connection, and getting back into the fray goes a long way to reducing painful feelings
Dating people who aren’t over their ex?

If you’ve had enough of dates who aren’t over their exes, here’s a few tips for you:

Make an assessment of your dating behaviour.  Are you making yourself too available?  Are you a helper and a fixer?  You could be putting yourself into the ‘good enough for now’ zone.
Be the chooser.  Have a general idea of the kind of person you are looking for.  Be choosy about who you connect with and quickly eliminate those who aren’t a fit.  Don’t get into a relationship just because someone chooses you.
Chat with potential dates and ask questions to help you decide if it’s worthwhile to meet up. Be upfront about what you’re looking for-for starters, someone who is available.  Resist the temptation to date someone who’s admitted to not being over their ex.
If the person is available, go out on a date, and take the time to get to know them before you get emotionally involved. I love philosopher Vernon Howard’s wise words:  Take the time to let people show you who they are.’  Don’t just go by their words; take the time to see how they behave.   Pay attention and trust your intuition.