Love me when I’m cold

Coldblooded 

Not being good enough

The fear of “not being good enough” is one of the deepest, most fundamental fears of every human being on the planet. Time and time again I go through this. I try my best to look good. To not be fat. To have a nice body. To look good. I try so hard to be wanted and to be desired. It is one of my worst fears.. not being desired or wanted enough. It’s something I’m facing with every day of my life. Sometimes my bf does things that questions myself, am I good enough for him to want me sexually and physically. Or is that how men really are. It triggers Lot of my past traumas and it makes me shut myself down from wanting to interact with him.  I feel like if I’m alone and single for the rest of my life I don’t have to deal with this bullshit. I don’t have to sit around and wait and wonder on anyone to see if they desire me or want me or if I’m enough for them.

What does it even mean to feel “good enough”? How can you tell that someone else is good enough? What’s so lacking about you that makes you not good enough?

I’ve realized that the fear of not being good enough doesn’t mean you’re actually not good enough; and there’s definitely nothing wrong with you. You’re probably afraid because:

• You’ve internalized feelings of self-doubt and self-criticism because of experiences you had as a child.
• You dream big and other people say your dreams are “unrealistic.”
• You’re afraid to leave your comfort zone, and not being good enough is a cunning excuse to avoid taking action.

Those are all valid reasons to feel fear — but they’re no excuse to stay stuck. 

We all have moments of low self-esteem, feeling not good enough, and like we’re frauds. To move forward, we have to push through those feelings. Eventually I will be good enough for somebody who wants me whole heartedly for my mind, body and soul.

Left alone

Being in a relationship is hard. Being a person is hard. Sometimes I wish I was a tree or even a rock. I go into this phase of just shutting everyone out because I can’t explain the way I feel and I don’t think anyone can understand. Sometimes I need a person for a shoulder to cry on but other times I know I can’t rely on anyone but myself. It sucks you have to keep your feelings inside so you don’t hurt others around you. 

Is being in a relationship worth a battle?