Not every man that says he wants a good woman is ready for one.

I've encountered many men lately who claims to want a good woman... but it seems when a good woman comes by, they seem to run away.

Not every man that says he wants a good woman is ready for one. Just because he claims he wants a good woman doesn’t mean he will do right by her. Men are known to sing the same song when it comes to wanting a good woman who can cook, clean, ain’t out clubbing every weekend, looks good, sexes him good and is loyal.

They make up this perfect female in their head of what they want her to be and look like, yet fail to look at the B.S. that’s keeping them from finding a good woman let alone keeping one. The very things they say they want in a woman are the very things they themselves lack. They fail to meet the requirements of their requirements.

Some men are so use to dealing with h*es that when they come around a good woman who will call them out on their bullsh*t and challenge them for the better they can’t handle it. And so the good woman they claimed to want is now this b*tch who nags too much. Being with a good woman requires them to check themselves and that’s something most men run from. Chasing p*ssy becomes a lot easier than to face the man in the mirror and acknowledge his weaknesses and short comings as a man. H*es will praise him for the sh*t that is required of him anyway, where as a good woman will push him for greater.

When a man who promised you to be different turns out to be another weak boy pretending to be a man simply walk away and allow him to grow into the shoes of a real man. Don’t waste your time trying to get him to grow up, silence is the best medicine for a man whose mental age is the size of his d*ck. You are good enough for any man, but the wrong man will never see it. He is too busy chasing skirts to appreciate the good woman standing in front of him and its not your job to prove your worth to him. If he can’t see it that’s his loss, not yours.

Dating is hard

Dating is so hard today. You don't know if you are meeting the representative. You don't know if the other person is only entertaining you until they can physically have your body. You don't know if they are using your good spirit and good energy to get over an old flame that once burned them. Dating is so hard because so many people are afraid to be transparent with how they feel and what they truly want out of the next person. We project and say that we want all these things, but in the end some of us really don't. Building a bond and a relationship with someone takes an extreme amount of work. You can't take days off when you are in a relationship. Everyday has to be geared towards growing stronger as a couple. You meet so many people today that don't understand that concept. You meet so many people today that just want to waste your time. It would be nice to meet someone without having hidden motives for a change. It would be nice to meet someone you can talk to and forget how much time has passed. It would be nice to meet someone who is tired of getting hurt and tired of getting it wrong just like you, and wants to get it right with someone special one day.

Emotionally unavaible & Wrong timing

This week's blog shall be an interesting one.

I took a vacation to visit some friends out in California and to observe more of how people are emotionally unavaible and meeting people at the wrong time. I've observed an individual who was very similar to me. After a week of learning how he was, that individual reminded me of myself. He mirrored who I once was or maybe still am. I was trying to bend his chest open so I can read his heart. I wanted to take notes as to why people feel the way they feel, why they do the things they do to cope with their feelings, their life situations, etc...

Here's what I've learned...

Meeting a person at the wrong time could be true. When you’re not actively seeking a relationship but somebody seems to fall from the ‘created perfectly just for me’ tree right into your lap what do you do?

The reason you were never looking to get seriously involved can vary from person to person; perhaps you’re due to go travelling for the next year, you’re moving away for study, you’ve just come out of a messy relationship or you just really aren’t ready to commit. Whatever the cause, the problem remains the same – this person is blowing your mind and sweeping both you and what you thought you wanted off your feet – but you’re just not ready for it.

They’re captivating, they’re addictive, they’re beyond attractive – fuck – they’re completely brilliant in every single way. In a utopian world where you could have your cake and eat it, you’d own that cake in a second and gorge on it at every convenient moment – How often does life present you with somebody like this that you seem to click so perfectly with? It’s a huge, huge risk but you know that you can’t live life by ‘ifs’ ‘buts’ or ‘maybes’.

If he or she is unavailable, this is not your person to be with at this present time, which explains "seemingly right person but wrong timing". A confusing part of being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong. You accept behavior that you’d never tolerate in friends. Why?

The electricity can feel so incredible and rare, you may mistake intensity for intimacy. Still, connection or not, you must take a sober look to determine if someone is truly available for intimacy. (That was why I held myself back from any intimacy, I was there to observe. To learn from people's personal experience.)

Hear this: Not everyone you feel a connection with, no matter how mind-blowing, the person you met. You can fall for someone who is totally wrong for you, as unfair and confounding as that reality can be. A soul connection must go both ways. Even if the intuitive bond you feel is authentic, it can remain unrealized. Perhaps the person can’t or won’t reciprocate or is simply oblivious, a frustrating irony I must accept.

To start, here are some red flags to watch for. Even one sign warns you to be careful. The more that are present, the more danger exists.

1. They are married or in a relationship with someone else.
2. They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the brake.
3. They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict.
4. They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually.
5. They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers
6. They prefer long distance relationships, emails, texting.
7. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods.
8. They are seductive with you but make empty promises — their behavior and words don’t match.
9. They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs.
10. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw...

(8 out of 10 I've seen for myself.)

At first, some of these signs may be more obvious than others. It’s tricky: we tend to show our best selves in the honeymoon stage of a romance. It can take time for a person’s unavailability to emerge. That’s why it’s eye-opening to look at a partner’s relationship history. Who he or she was previously with reveals volumes about their capacity for intimacy now. Beware of rationalizing, “I’m different. This person would never be that way with me.”

I don’t care how mightily someone blames the blood curdling horrors of an ex for a relationship’s demise; this person played a role too. Being able to admit that or trying to understand the reasons for making such a terrible choice is a POSITIVE sign. Playing the victim is not. You want to avoid getting involved with anyone who can’t reciprocate your affections. If you are in a toxic, abusive, or non-reciprocal relationship, withdraw even when your passion is strong and says “stay.”

Last but not least, when speaking with this individual I've learned so much. I guess I never experienced how a man is suppose to love a woman. My intention was to hear how he loved his woman. I just want to know how being loved was like from others' experience and how people detach from heartaches and by that I know automatically he will be emotionally unavaible for a long time. They say if you were in a relationship for 5 years. It'll take you 5 years to get over someone. Maybe more. Depending on how long the person needs time to heal.

Sometimes you may meet the right person at the wrong time but I don't think so... Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life. We all meet at certain times of our lives for a certain reason, we just don't know what reason it's for yet...

A good, kind, humble genuine person I can definitely see. I pray this person can find himself again. There's so much more to life, I pray he stops blaming himself. I pray for him to feel whole. I can see the despair & desolation in his eyes.

I hope he finds what he's looking for...

2 years from now

2 years has passed.

Today marks the day I have been single for 2 years and also marks the day that I have been in deep pain. I'm glad that I have the strength to move on even though it haunts me from time to time I'm strong enough to push myself to move on.

When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, that's when you know you've healed.

Time heals old pains, while it creates new one. Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows.

I haven't dated or done much within this year of being alone. Although I miss being with someone. I miss the affection from a man, I miss being held like a woman. I literally crave affection. Its not about sex. Its about cuddling, and to lay their head on my lap. I crave kisses, holding hands and running my thumb across thiers. Just looking at someone thinking "how did I get this lucky."

I cried for way too long. The only way is to pretend to smile & be happy when you're in the outside world. But inside your dying.

I'm jealous of those who loves each other unconditionally. Who makes the best out of their lives. And who grows old together. I wish you can see how a person is on the inside before you can even start to talk to them to see how they feel. I've watched so many chick flick movies that I only wish to have a love like in the movies. But again its only in movies, nothing last forever...

I'm at my age where I just want to someone who I can laugh with, sleep with, get mad with, eat with, and love? Is that too much to ask for? I dont think i have ever experienced "LOVE." What has happened to me wasn't love... I'm still broken and I cringe every time I hear that word.

I'm still picking up my pieces and i'll rebuild myself & come back stronger then ever.

I'm falling to sleep with "Lady antebellum- Wanted."

Male behaviour

Male behavior is tolerated in our culture now and very many women face this same dilemma. Men are not expected by society to get married in order to have the benefit of a sexual relationship. Because of this toleration, men can always says they are not in a place to give commitment. This, after dating many women and having various relationships. They know they have the woman on a string. They get sex and keep their freedom. Due to all the dating sites available, they know there are always other women out there that will accept this arrangement, if the current one decides to break it off. And they might be prettier and better than who they are with. They are blind to the value of the woman they are with. In a nutshell, they have not opened their hearts and become vulnerable. Their focus continues to be on themselves. Hard decision to leave, but these situations should be deal breakers. They may be a nice person, but still inherently selfish. Not husband material at all. Women can do so much better.

Walls up

I’ve learned these truths about myself by flipping over one tiny puzzle piece at a time. Realizing that I won’t break from heartache was one. That not every relationship is a keeper was another. That this is OK was a third. That I can’t predict how things will turn out, that relationships change, that this isn’t a negative reflection of me were all truths I needed to learn and to keep as my own and that I sometimes need to be reminded of.

Deciding that risk sits on the low side of the seesaw and love sits at the top is key.

The flip side of this coin is not beating yourself up for wall building being your go-to. It’s an imperfection, for sure, but it’s also just a part of you. Once you’re aware of it, you get to step back and decide if a situation (or a person) are wall-worthy. And more often than not, they aren’t. But they just might be love-relationship-friendship-worthy. Once you see this, then one puzzle piece at a time, you can step away from your walls and toward people instead.

Never black or white...

I want to live in the moments, enjoy the little things in life. I want to be happy & surround myself in good souls, try new things & be in complete control of my mind.

I came to appreciate that relationships often serve a specific purpose at a certain point in time, for myriad reasons. Some are meant to heal you, some are meant to teach you how to build yourself up, and some are meant to show you how to trust your own intuition. You call in exactly whom and what you need over the course of your life, as you are learning life's lessons. And learn them you will. Even if you try to avoid these teachings, they're coming for you. This reality has taught me that the relationships that don't lead to lifetime commitments are not failures. Not every love can last forever.

Relationships are never black and white, "Often in between those two, you find the keys to what you need in partnership: what you're willing to give, what you want to get, and what things are absolutes that you cannot compromise on. A few months with the right person can be as great an experience as a decade-long union with someone else. When you take the pressure of The One off, you'll open yourself up to endless possibilities. You'll learn to have a truly deep, knowing relationship with yourself first. Then the rest will fall into place.

Reasons, seasons, and lifetimes. They're all valid."

Looks can tell alot about a person..

‘’Looks can tell a lot about a person’’.
That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Looks don’t make up a person. What he or she holds in inside is what makes them. What they have faced throughout their life, that’s what carves their personality and etches idiosyncrasies in their personality.

Sure, there is a bigger possibility of a person being narcissistic or egoistic if they are hotter but it’s not an obligation. I’ve met with a lot of single hotter women who are actually really nice and have a very optimistic approach towards life. They care more and love more. We should get these stereotypes of our head and actually give everyone an open chance to be nice. Sometimes people just become nice because they are expected to be and sometimes they just act evil or distant because that’s what the society expects them to be.

This is a masquerade and every one of us wears it. You and me, all of us, but that’s not who we are. These are just our defensive barriers that we have put forth to shield our vulnerability. You can only know about a person when you truly get to know them by spending time with them and actually getting to know them.

It all comes down to how badly we find the need to break these societal rules, norms and perceptions and see beyond them. Life and specifically, relationships are a lot easier when you free yourself from these.

The bottom line is that no one should lose their confidence because of what others say or think. An attractive woman shouldn’t feel like she’s being treated differently because of how she looks. She should appreciate what she has and not give a second thought to what anyone else says or thinks about her because at the end of the day, it’s her life to live and no one else’s. People will say whatever they feel like saying.

Things will be said about you even if you did nothing wrong (as in most cases). The only thing you can do is not let any of that get to you. Don’t let it change you or make you doubt yourself. It’s a completely different thing if you’re in the wrong; however, if you’re not then you shouldn’t be the one to change.

Happy new year 2017

Page 2 of 365 days.