Tonight's the night I've realized a lot about my life; facing reality really does hit rock bottom when you're always running away from it. It's 2018. And so much has changed now.
I went from a little girl to a mother to a whole new woman in 10 years. I've improved so much. I've met so many people coming in and out of my life. I've noticed the ones who actually makes an effort to stay and acknowledge my worth as a friend, family, and person. I've lost my father last month and losing my father made my life changed so much, to not take life for granted as well. I feel like I have it all, almost... but deep down I feel like something is missing... I can't quite pinpoint what that missing piece is. Or maybe I do know, but I just can't face it. Many people are in situations where whatever is missing in their lives, they're never going to feel different about it. We're not ever going to be able to say that what happened to us is okay. In that case, radically accepting and living with the unhappiness is our only option. We don't deny the pain of what's missing, but we learn to live with it.
I spent many years trying to make up reasons about why I had the flashbacks, memories, continuous nightmares. When I finally decided to quit trying to hide from truth, I began to heal. I pray to God to help me fight my inner demons, this discomfort, distraught, the guilt. I pray for 2018 to be the year I heal from all I've been going through and to stop running away from reality and facing life for what it is.
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